The Door to Happiness

I have heard of people constantly going on about their search for the “One”. About how it is better to end up with somebody, because the alternate is to be completely alone for the rest of one’s life. And thus, the race begins. For women, this quest begins at the age of 4 or 5. All fairytales preach this exact thing – the ultimate goal is to find that perfect someone and live happily ever after.

Some very brave people asked the question – “What if we don’t find anyone? What happens then?” History says that such questions have been met with incredulity, sternness and more often than not – ridicule. The immediate answers to this question would be “Oh dear! You cannot say that! You have to find someone!” or “You don’t want to wind up all alone” or “Would you like to die knowing that there will be no one to mourn you?” And then these brave people are left speechless. As per popular opinion – the speechlessness is a result of self-doubt and disbelief. It is the result of feeling not being quite sure of what to say.

People – gear up. It’s the digital age. It is perfectly fine – to not have found a soulmate. It is perfectly fine, to want to live life on one’s own terms rather than compromise to the extent of losing one’s identity. After all, in today’s world, “Happily ever after” is very hard to find. Mostly, its “compromise and keep adjusting”, or “end up divorced”. I am not ridiculing the idea of love & marriage – some people do find a love that matures over time. People do find lasting companionship – the right mix of passion, friendship and trust. Some others settle for what is available, and find happiness within their circle of influence. They work hard at their relationships, and even if the love loses some of its sparkle over time, they compromise and create a situation for themselves that they are comfortable in.

But what about some others who are not willing to give up? For some, “settling” isn’t a very good option – these are the people who know exactly what they want. And they realize, that they are not willing to settle for anything but dazzles. Society might say that these people are being unrealistic, and that over time, even the greatest, most dazzling love loses some of the sparkle. Logically – society does have a point. Would Romeo and Juliet continue to love each other with their blinding passion if they hadn’t died tragically? Would Cleopatra and Anthony still have the same fiery passion if their love story had ended with marriage and kids?

I now put forth my argument – is it really wrong to expect nothing but the best? Are the IIT aspirants in our country crazy for spending much of their childhood in cramming textbooks? Are the casting directors of movies completely nuts for spending months over finding the right actor to play an important role? Were Picasso and Monet insane for spending sleepless nights to get every brushstroke right? Just like these people, are certain singles wrong for expecting nothing but the best?

In today’s world, there is a new breed of people. I call these people “steadfast singles”. These people realize that their life is fantastic the way it is. They have wonderful friends and family, and great jobs. They are extremely passionate about everything that they do, and have plenty of hobbies that take up all of their free time. These people never feel old – they only feel wiser and better as they grow older. They have wonderful lives, and are perfectly happy in being alone. They dislike being in relationships, because relationships take up too much of their time and energy – which they would rather devote towards their careers or hobbies. There are plenty of successful people in the world who have led wonderful lives without having to settle. There are also plenty of not very successful, but happy middle aged people who are single (either chronic bachelors or divorced) with exciting lives and/or a sense of inner peace.

They say that when one door closes, another opens. I believe that if one door closes, 5 or even 10 other doors open – providing we are willing to keep our eyes open to them, and not just lament about the door that’s closed. When steadfast singles shut the door on the experiences of marriage and parenthood, it is not necessary that misery and loneliness has to follow. They have, in fact, opened their minds to the other wonderful things that life has to offer. They explore the doors to wonderful friendships, great fitness, spiritual awareness, satisfying careers, and extraordinary adventures.

I would like to say something here to people who snort in derision to the idea of being a steadfast single. We have no control over our futures. We can’t change the past. We only have the present, and the present is wonderful – if we choose to see it that way. The digital world has opened a new freedom movement in society – and the entire point of the new movement is to respect individual choices. It is our choice to decide - whether to take the plunge and settle for the next person we find, or to take life as it comes and turn each day into an exciting opportunity. Rather than insisting that “Happily ever after” is the ultimate goal, we should accept the fact that “Being happy each day” is also a great choice.