Seems random? Not so much.
Bored with non-fiction, I decided yesterday to go to my favorite
bookstore for some fun browsing and coffee. I was going through some books,
when I came upon a few titles in the Romance genre. I flipped through their
summaries – and many of them had a recurring theme. About an average young guy
or girl, and how cynical and normal their lives are. But when one of them contracts
a terminal illness, it transforms their personality and attitude. In some of
these books, the lead characters find their true love after they contract a
terminal illness, and it is this love which helps them fight all odds and rise
above the challenges. All of the books had one thing in common – it is only
after being faced with the possibility of death, do the lead characters realize
the true meaning and value of life.
Most people will feel that such books and movies are very touching,
and I know a lot of people who find themselves in tears. These stories are
indeed touching at times, because in real life, when a person is in the
horrible situation of being terminally ill or permanently injured, he or she
will find that life changes completely. Some of them are lucky, and survive
through their pain with terrific support from family or friends. Many others find
that most of their old friends start avoiding them and drift apart. Most people
are generally uncomfortable dealing with such situations, and don’t know what
to say when they happen.
A lot of people with terminal illnesses, especially women, have also
reported that their spouses don’t give them the support they need, and
automatically assume the worst. Many women have been abandoned by their spouses
after being diagnosed with cancer. Their husbands feel that any time or money
spent on them is simply going to be wasted. Even if the doctors suggest
alternative courses of treatment which give some hope of survival, they feel
that it the bet is too risky, and pull out. Thus, they move away and try to
start a new life with healthier partners. So, to people who have been abandoned
by friends and family, these stories are indeed inspiring. These stories teach healthy
people what is expected of them when a loved one falls ill or gets permanently
injured. They give hope to people who are sick or injured – that someday, they
too will find the love and emotional support they need to embrace life and feel
the will to live.
Personally, I absolutely, from the bottom of my heart, detest these
stories. I feel that they are incredibly stupid, unnecessarily soppy, and full
of shit, apart from being a little insensitive (unintentionally, of course). Firstly,
I feel that it is insensitive to romanticise a life threatening disease. I
mean, when I love someone – a friend, a spouse, a relative – anyone for that
matter, I love them for who they are. I try to make sure as much as possible
that they know exactly what I feel about them. If they need me, I will make
damn sure that I am there for them. If there is anything which I can do to make
them feel happy in any way, or if there is something I can do to help them
achieve their dreams, I would definitely do so.
My point is – why wait until someone falls terminally ill to do
this? Is expressing your love really that difficult for you? If it is, then I
am sorry – but you probably don’t deserve to have such relationships at all. I
mean – that movie “A Walk to Remember” is considered to be a giant romantic
classic. But why? What if the girl did not have cancer? What if she was
perfectly normal? Would the guy have tried to fulfill her dreams any way? I don’t
think so. They would have probably dated for a while, but would have eventually
drifted apart. He wouldn’t have married her to fulfill her dream of being
married in her mother’s white dress. He wouldn’t have spent that much time
writing long sappy wedding vows. He would have probably never even felt so much
in love with her. They would have been just an average teenage couple whose
story, in all likelihood, would end at prom night. What I want to say here is –
is this really true love? Or is it just sympathy? Or some kind of psychosomatic
reaction to the fact that his girlfriend’s time was limited – like the way
kidnapping victims have Stockholm’s Syndrome? These stories may appear
extremely romantic – but reality is starkly different. Watching a loved one suffer
is living hell. Suffering from a terminal illness is physically and mentally
exhausting – these people rarely have the energy to go on world tours, wear
wedding gowns, have babies, or even feel anything at all.
I believe that real love, true love – whatever you call it – is about
being there for someone at all times. I feel that if you really love someone,
you would do everything you can to make them feel wonderful every day, any day.
Taking someone for granted all the time and then suddenly getting all misty
eyed when you realize that they may leave you soon - is not love. While it is a
wonderful thing to be supportive and loving to a person who may or may not survive,
I feel that the movies and books of today forget the most essential point –
that love is unconditional, and that mere sympathy is not love. I don’t think
that love is so shallow – that its importance is only defined by the existence of
an expiration date. Somehow, over the years, we have become so preoccupied with
the notion of “I take you in sickness” that we have forgotten about the more
crucial “I take you in health” part. Life is indeed short – and it would do us
a whole world of good to embrace the fact as soon as possible. We all need to
get over ourselves, and learn to love with an open heart and mind.
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