Pain

There are moments in our life, when things don't happen as we expect them to. We meet unpleasantness, and sometimes even lose the thing that we held closest to our hearts. At those moments we feel sad, disappointed or angry. Sometimes even a combination of the three.

But what happens when our entire belief system is shaken to our very core? When we feel like the foundation we had built our life upon was an illusion, and the beautiful walls and castles we had built come crushing down before our very eyes. We dont know what to believe anymore, we just dont know how to carry on, on what basis to define ourselves, and in which direction to go. We feel like everything we have ever seen or known is a lie, and that life, in its entirety is an abyss where we stand all alone.

It is then we feel the worst pain. Pain of losing ourselves, our hopes, our beliefs. Pain of it never ending, and having to drag on in the misery. We feel suffocated, like we are being drowned, except that we aren't dying either... just endless torcher. Like there are knives tearing and ripping out hearts into pieces.

What are we supposed to do? Nothing we can do can maike the pain go away. And there is of no use trying to be in denial or ignore the problem, cuz they will come back, eventually, and hit us harder than ever. What can we do??

They say time is the biggest healer. But what if you dont have much time? And what is time is not your healer, but your coffin??

Is this what schizophrenics feel, just before they go over the edge? Is this what causes suicidal tendencies? Or an MPD? What happens when someone feels this way, and just wants to give up.... or just stop being themselves?