Too common. I know. Please dont groan. Please read the entire blog before you dismiss it as unneccesarry and mundane. I promise you, I ll not write the usual crap about life and I wont give any gyaan. Well, I ll try to keep it to a minimal.
My mother always tells me that as a child, I was adorable. I was chubby and good-tempered always. Except for a phase when I couldn't bear anyone to even look at me, and would resort to high - pitched screaming if anybody committed that grievous mistake - clearly my extreme levels of social discomfort was obvious right since then. Even later, as a teenager and a college - goer, I was a positive, sunny-natured and happy - go - lucky person who had all her priorities right and was in love with the world. Everything went right for me - I had great friends, I did extremely well in my studies, met the love of my life, partied hard and landed a great job in a great company. Even at my job, I had wonderful colleagues, and I succeeded in gaining admission into a good b-school.
But somehow along the way, I changed. I became cynical, bitter and disappointed. I went spiralling down from bad to worse. I lost many friends - a couple to death, others to fate. B-school turned out to be a hasty decision. I lost a job that I enjoyed and which was paying me well to a life full of rejection, pain and loss. I had no confidence in myself anymore and I no longer believed in life or any of its magic. I felt it was over for me - and that I ll never be able to get out of the darkness. dark thoughts plagued me night and day, I couldn't be civil to anybody, and I fell deeper into darkness, hid in it, even revelled in it, mostly because I did not like myself anymore - and it was too hard to face the truth. It was much easier to hide.
But then, again, God took mercy on me. I was given opportunities that I never expected and which gave me some of my old confidence back. I realised, that the only thing that was coming in between me and happiness was myself.
So, I here I am. Hopefully, on the path of healing. I have accomplished the 1st step - understood what was going on. I am trying to accept myself, and life. I tell myself daily, that in order for other people to feel like giving me opportunities, I must first of all love myself, and forgive myself. If I don't love myself, or respect myself, nobody will. And as far as life is concerned - I have accepted that I cannot control it. The things that I can control - like taking sensible day-to-day decisions, being positive and taking responsibility for myself are being taken care of by me - finally. I am not using pathetic excuses anymore to avoid taking responsibility of my own actions. I am not totally in charge yet, but I know I will get there. I am getting there.
Even if I cannot anymore find that happy girl who I used to be and love, I will cherish her memories, accept her loss and move on. And meanwhile, I will understand the girl who has taken her place, and try to forgive her. She needs my love and attention too - We both need each other now more than ever- else we will both fall apart.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Voluntarily Yours!!
As we move into the new age, colleges and institutions are becoming more and more focussed towards working for social causes. Students studying various courses are now using a part of their spare time to help the under privileged. While most B-school students focus on using their newly acquired (or otherwise) marketing skills, financial acumen or entrepreneurship skills to provide a better means of livelihood to various people, like HIV\AIDS affected women, local artists of remote villages, and various others; students from other courses help the society in other ways, like organising blood donation camps, de-worming programmes at various slums, etc.
But few students volunteer at certain places – like suicide prevention help lines, old-age homes, adoption centres, teaching slum kids, etc. These programmes usually involve providing emotional support and other means of guidance to the under – privileged. They are like vocations – they need training, certain amount of natural skills like patience, kindness and devotion, and most of all, they need dedication. Students may not always join for the right reasons – such students may eventually drop out of these programmes.
These programmes can only be truly successful if the volunteers perform the activities with a true heart and an unselfish mind. These activities won’t be successful if people treat them like just another job that needs to be done for gaining some personal benefit. Successful programmes are those whose volunteers are passionate about the cause, and give the cause a top priority over other personal activities. People who join due to selfish reasons – like getting a certificate to make their CV look better – eventually lose interest and leave the programme. But in doing so, they break their commitment to the people who needed their help and who did not deserve to be abandoned again.
So before you volunteer, make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes, volunteering helps you find qualities in yourself that you did not know you had – like ability to understand people, or selflessness. These programmes - when done unselfishly, without expecting anything in return - give you joys which even a bank job in the US will never be able to provide. They give you a sense of inner peace and belonging. Sometimes, the images which we will have to deal with may be pretty disturbing. Sometimes, we may have to forego the things which we dearly love – like movies with friends, picnics, parties, etc and make compromises. But your heart feels cleansed and light – which makes it all worth it. They say, God is in all our hearts, we need to accept and feel his presence. No wonder then, these programmes make you feel this way – Because, after all, serving people is the best way to serve god.
But few students volunteer at certain places – like suicide prevention help lines, old-age homes, adoption centres, teaching slum kids, etc. These programmes usually involve providing emotional support and other means of guidance to the under – privileged. They are like vocations – they need training, certain amount of natural skills like patience, kindness and devotion, and most of all, they need dedication. Students may not always join for the right reasons – such students may eventually drop out of these programmes.
These programmes can only be truly successful if the volunteers perform the activities with a true heart and an unselfish mind. These activities won’t be successful if people treat them like just another job that needs to be done for gaining some personal benefit. Successful programmes are those whose volunteers are passionate about the cause, and give the cause a top priority over other personal activities. People who join due to selfish reasons – like getting a certificate to make their CV look better – eventually lose interest and leave the programme. But in doing so, they break their commitment to the people who needed their help and who did not deserve to be abandoned again.
So before you volunteer, make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes, volunteering helps you find qualities in yourself that you did not know you had – like ability to understand people, or selflessness. These programmes - when done unselfishly, without expecting anything in return - give you joys which even a bank job in the US will never be able to provide. They give you a sense of inner peace and belonging. Sometimes, the images which we will have to deal with may be pretty disturbing. Sometimes, we may have to forego the things which we dearly love – like movies with friends, picnics, parties, etc and make compromises. But your heart feels cleansed and light – which makes it all worth it. They say, God is in all our hearts, we need to accept and feel his presence. No wonder then, these programmes make you feel this way – Because, after all, serving people is the best way to serve god.
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