A Wish

Mom always says that there are 2 kinds of people in the world. The first kind are the givers - the people who always give - love, help, friendship & care - to people around them. The second kind are the takers - the ones who only keep taking stuff - materials, time, love, feelings - from as many people as possible, and still want more. The givers are the people who somehow, can just not stop caring. And the takers are the ones who will just not care.

Today, I am reminded of one of my favorite lines from the classic "Gone with the wind". The scene depicts Scarlett O Hara, watching her family members bustle in excitement & cheerfulness as they cut up her mother's old curtains to make her a dress. She alone knows in her mind, the devious plot she has hatched, for which she needed the dress. She knew that what she planned to do was entirely shocking, and was something her dead mother would feel very ashamed about. She realized  that in order to survive, and to ensure the safety of her dead father's property & the well being of her remaining family, she was going to do something which she would have probably never even thought about, if the war had not changed the world. She realized, that she had indeed, changed. Her core values, her morals had changed. But the people she cared about - the people for whom she had had to change, were still exactly the same people they were before the war. They could still afford to be themselves, and believe in the old values of the past, values which she was taught and values which she had prided herself for, because she had changed for them. And this was not something they realized. The irony was that if they had any idea what her plans were, they would be shocked, and would judge her to no end. But she had to do it - because if she did not, they would never survive. 

I am among the people who care too much. I wish I did not. There is no point really - in a world like today's - who really cares? No one gives a shit about anyone - no matter what happens. People forget their so called "best friend's" birthday, and don't bother disrupting their daily life even a little, because for them, their comfort zone is too important. I care, and so I decided to take the effort, because someone had to. And now, I am going to be judged - just because I asked people to step out of their comfort zones - just a little. But if I stopped caring, if I too continued behaving like everyone else, then there would be nothing left. But is this something which people realise? No they don't. They don't realise that they can all remain in their comfort zones & gossip & judge me, because I am the one keeping all of them together.

Maybe the fault lies with me. It is not necessary to care so much. Why should I spoil my relationships with people, & fight for others when I know perfectly well that its of absolutely no use? I wish I knew the answer. I wish.. I knew why even after millions of experiences  why I continue to care, why I cant become like the others. I wish I knew why I was such a masochist. I wish I could just not bother, and stop caring. I wish the pain would go away - a pain that has become all to familiar now. I wish I could just continue being merry & make politically correct statements whenever it mattered, and all the time ensuring that I don't have to even lift a single finger to help anyone.